dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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