you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Congratulations! We have a period
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
