Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
