somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
