You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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