if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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