After last night, I could never be a politician.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
