You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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