im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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