the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
