Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry my hands just texted you
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm too high and old for this...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
