there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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