I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
