remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
