AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
