I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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