I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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