I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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