tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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