I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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