I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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