The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
