yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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