So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
