That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
