Betty ford says i'm here all night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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