all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
