winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
