we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize