If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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