Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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