Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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