did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
