Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
