Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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