Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize