It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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