Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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