life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
someone owes me an orgasm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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