When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
