i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
