Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
