I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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