I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize