So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
