You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
