Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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