Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
