Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
