haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
