she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
