Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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