If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
