wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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