Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
