Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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