i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
