I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
