it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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