im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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