Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
